Wrath Of A Psychopath

I keep reading articles about relationships with sociopaths. They are written by psychologists or people that are interested in the subject. The problem is that most of them are not written by people that have actually experienced the wrath of a sociopath. I can’t explain it but when you first meet them there I something off, different, and repulsing. I was the type of person that would befriend anybody. All you have to do is give a sociopath time and they will know you better than you know yourself. In doing this they are able to mirror what you want and manipulate you into believing you just fell in love with them.

I can almost remember the day when the switch (idealization stage) turned off. I rationalized this by saying well it was too good to be true (how nice she was and good to me) that I guess some of the things that she isn’t doing anymore aren’t necessary.

When she left me it hurt like no pain I had ever felt before. I just knew in my heart something was wrong, different. The pain I felt though felt good. You see I hadn’t felt anything for years and I didn’t know if I could. She projected that onto me. So once I felt the pain I knew I was in fact human and that I could love. I wondered if I could even love again. Our relationship was so unloving.

The hardest part to grasp is that the person you loved wasn’t real. Even harder that person you loved that wasn’t real seriously wanted to harm you. My sociopath told me that when she was through with me I would want to kill myself. She didn’t know how strong I was.

I have been through bad breakups so I knew that this one was different. I even told her I knew something was up. I thought it was borderline and she laughed at me. She said my grandmother has the same disease and they tried electroshock therapy on her. That was my clue right there.

The first time I met her parents I thought, “They aren’t that bad, they don’t seem like people that would beat her?” I will still never know if that is true or not. It sure didn’t appear to be so more like she is abusive so they are the ones that got hurt.

Denial, denial, denial, why does it take so long to really believe that this person is a sociopath? I went back and forth in my head so many times….yes she is one! Well but she did this or acted this way? No she is for a sociopath…but…she loves her new gf. What I have to remember is she acted that way with me too and I too was a replacement. I didn’t know but I was. Right after one person moves out…the next one move in.

To heal from this we have to first identify what happened. Next believe what happened, and then receive validation that our beliefs are true. Next steps…I do not know, I am not there yet. I do know that I tolerate less and less from people. I am paranoid, I do not want someone to ever pull the wool over my eyes. Right now I focus on why did I attract this person? How do I not do it again? Is there anything wrong with me for attracting these people? The law of attraction states we attract how we feel and think. Maybe sometimes we attract what we need in life to learn. Does everything happen for a reason or do we make our own destiny, or perhaps a bit of both.