Description of the discard phase

Everyone's story is the same. You see they are all programmed identically.  I was watching a show I love and no longer could I like a character because he is a narcissist. I see them everywhere now. It is like I knew these terms but I didn't apply them to everyday life because I didn't think it was that common. Now I am aware. You cannot help but think and look at naïve people and be jealous. You wish that you could be like them again. Before you saw the dark side.

 

I also cannot help but think this did happen for a reason. I had great parents. I never understood nor felt a pain like this. I just now every story, every actions, every word that she told me I think was that a lie? Did this happen so I can understand pain and learn how to deal with it? All of these websites give generic definitions of a sociopath. I want to explain just what mine did....here is goes..

 

I was with Kayla for 5 years. Red flags were everywhere. Some were bigger than others. I ignored them. Like she would tell me about things that happened to her as a child and I assumed she turned out normal. Maybe she did downplay it a bit because her family and her tried to reconcile. So on with what happened for 5 years I wasn’t happy. I would say miserable. She would nag about everything. I would clean everything I could so she couldn’t complain about anything. She would still find something.

So there were a few things I didn’t do as well, such as put a bill in my name. I mean I provided her money but no I didn’t put a bill in my name. I  feel like now I was protecting myself. When she broke up with me that was a reason she gave and I thought ok. I understand that.

She texted me at work after she had went to her hometown in Chicago. She said we need to talk. I'm like what's up? She dumped me through texts after 5 years. I came home from work and we argued and finally I thought ok she is just over this and me and this is for the best.

I started to talk to friends and they were like those are not reasons to break up. I thought that too but to hear it from them solidified it. So next it gets good. I knew her email password and was just watching her email. I saw a receipt for a strap on dildo that she predelivered to her friend of 15 years who had stayed with us before and I thought they were JUST FRIENDS. I confronted her and she smiled. I LIVED with her. After that she said that her and this girl were together and she needed me out ASAP so this girl could move into HER house. After she said that I bounced. My friend told me to move in with her until I could get a place and that other girl was moved in within 2 weeks.

How could someone that I was with for 5 years turn out to be this way? All of a sudden she went to her hometown, cheated on me, and then came back and said that she couldn’t be with me for a number of reasons. These reasons were petty. She said I didn’t contribute. She said I didn’t help enough but then left me for someone who was on unemployment and had no license or car. She said she is in love with this person. She said she still has feelings for her and she is like a drug and cannot get enough. This girl beat her up. She abused her verbally and physically and she stays.

She kept trying to put the blame on me but what happened was she wanted to be with someone else. She snuck around behind my back. She said she went to a friend’s house but went to see this ho. I always knew something was between them. I could tell. I'm just so hurt and pissed . How could she DO THAT TO ME THE WAY SHE DID IT. SHE CHEATED LIED AND WANTED ME OUT ASAP!

This took a VERY twisted turn. So Kayla wouldn’t leave me alone and she kept contacting me and telling me that she wanted to be with me and for me to not sign my lease. This went on for 4 months. That she regretted things. I told her to stop. She wouldn’t so I forwarded all texts to Tamera. Tamera wanted to meet up and so I did and we realized she got us the SAME Tiffany’s bracelet and I found out Kayla had a girl living in the house before I moved in( still with her while dating me) and the girl had two kids) I found this out by the neighbor kids saying they missed the daughter. Kayla told me that was her roommate who wouldn’t leave. I then knew that her ex had a kid by that name so put two and two together. I should have left at that point. I found out Tamera and her had sex WHILE I was asleep in the house. Also when Kayla would go home for Christmas they would have sex. Well I found out all of this when we talked. We decided to open a bottle of champagne and got drunk. We then went out and had a blast. We ended up having sex. Yes Tamera and I. Then next day she “claimed to have felt something. She wanted to start something. I didn’t text her for 3 days but sure did think of her. I felt something too. Something intense…..she ended up texting hi and trying to hang. I hung out with her for 3 or 4 days. Just for a couple of hours. I have STRONG feelings for her but with the current situation there is nothing we can do PLUS. I don’t know if she is still getting back at Kayla because part of the texts I let Tamera see said that Kayla was in living hell and wanted me back. She wanted me home. She came over and we had sex. I told Tamera all of that. So now I question if Terra was trying to get back at Kayla still by hanging out with me. Tamera claims to not cheat. She completely was trying to FOOL me and TRICK me when I am in a vulnerable stage. I fell for it.  I fell for her bs. I also think that I have never done something so bogus to someone in my life. Two wrongs don’t make a right. It makes us both wrong and yes this would have never happened had things worked out differently. When I told her I cant play the mistress role she basically said well then this cant go on anymore. How could I ever trust her anyways.  It would be a complete waste and she would suck me dry. She yet another sociopath.

I have been talking to God and although he doesn’t talk back. I know he is there. I have never had so much faith in my life. I never knew or understood why people turn to God. Its’ because we are so far beyond control here on Earth that we NEED a higher power.  We are his children and he watches us. He works in mysterious ways and you never really know what the point was until you get through the bad but you have to keep hope that there WILL be something better out there.

We can be tired, weary and emotionally distraught, but after spending time alone with God, we find that He injects into our bodies energy, power and strength.-Charles Stanley

Things change and you have to learn to let go…….Things can change in the blink of an eye and although we don’t understand it we have to accept it for what it is. The only thing I can do is move on.

7/31/2013- I was told that it was over because I didn’t leave the bathroom door cracked and mold was beginning to grow on the ceiling. Little things like that.

8/2/2013-I was given a letter giving me 30 days to vacate her house

8/3/2013-I found an email of a receipt of a sex toy to her best friend stating she loved her and would see her that weekend.

Every day until I moved out which was on 8/16 I was harassed about leaving. I was told that she wanted me out So her new girlfriend could move into HER house. At the end of the relationship she was obsessed with guns. I started to take an interest in them. We took a class together and she helped me pay for my first gun. One of the texts I received told me that when she was through with me I would want to kill myself. This leads me to believe she really did want me to.

8/16/2013- I moved out of the house.

8/29/2013-The “best friend” moved into the house.

9/28/2013-She contacted me and wanted me to move back into “our house”. She didn’t want me to sign a lease to a new place.

11/7/2013-She wouldn’t leave me alone so I told the new girlfriend.

11/8/2013- The new girlfriend and I started an affair.

1/31/2014-My ex caught us hanging out and questioned me. I lied to her and I tried to end it with Tamara. I regret this more than anything (ever doing it) but I did do it. I was in a horrible state of mind and it was nothing more than revenge and I stooped to her level. I know this but we are all human.

2/8/14-I told Kayla about Tamera and I-She reacted odd. This is really when I started realizing she was a sociopath. She was mad but mad because she lost control, not mad because of what happened.

2/19- I receive an email with their marriage license.

3/9/2014-They were married.

They have made a few comments here and there but other than that I have heard nothing from them. It still drives me insane because all of those questions unanswered but I can say one thing. It truly is like their mask comes off. I looked into her eyes and saw nothing, saw someone I did not know. I just kept asking her, “Who are you?” That is all I could say. There was no remorse and no sympathy. Not one second did she break down and give me a hug or tell me she loved me. She said, “I used to loved you.” It was all of these bizarre behaviors that led me to researching and then to finding all this information. The best thing is to research and find answers that way.