Was she a Sociopath?

It is like I am obsessed with this. Finding out, was she a sociopath? Is she borderline? The end of the relationship changed the whole relationship. I was the most bizarre painful experience. She wanted to punish me!! I will NEVER know this unless one day she just calls and says yes, yes I am. I am from a small town and very VERY sheltered. I just thought everyone loved like I did. I didn’t realize that each person has a different definition of love. That was an AHA moment for sure. So now it is like do you love me? Well yes the way you love but who knows that could be for narcissists the same way they love their favorite pair of shoes. This is the difference. I have the ability to love deeply, I know because I have before. I put my life on hold in order to heal someone else. I don’t think she knows how lucky she was to have me because now I am in a similar situation and I have nobody like that. Nobody that cares the way I did. I always felt I love people more than they love me and now I know that feeling is because I did. I am not having a pity party. I am looking at myself and reflecting why is it that I attract all of these people. What I need to ask is WHY do I attract these people, HOW do I fix myself so that I stop, and WHAT is it about me that they like?

Why do I attract these people? I have a very easy going, laid back personality. The women in my family dominate the men and I am a woman who likes women. So did I kind of see myself as more of the man and allow them to dominate me and in turn I am allowing my relationships to do so?

How do I fix myself? What are ways in order to really connect with myself? If there are suggestions, I welcome them.

Lastly, what is it about ME that THEY (meaning cluster b personalities) like about me? Is it because I have a lot going for me, I am empathetic? I fall in love easily and am naïve? I am sure it is but then I look at it like this. So I change into a heartless bitch so I don’t attract these people? I want to attract someone LIKE ME that will NOT CHEAT. That can love me with every beat of their heart. I want a soul mate…….a partner.

I was with my ex for 5 years……about 6 months after we broke up and her new gf moved in…….she emailed me. The subject said IMPORTANT. There was only an attachment….it was their marriage application. They married a few weeks later. That is NOT the people I want to attract.

Cut to the girl I am dating now…..she pouts, doesn’t put me as a priority, and controls me. I KNOW this and see the red flags and am still with her. I have no self-esteem left. I have to get that back. I mean the girl you loved for over 5 years left you and in two weeks had you replaced. Bed wasn’t even cold yet….just out with the old and in with the new!

Now she did hoover and come back…or try to. I couldn’t help but held firm on the no. Although there was one slip up and we did have sex. It was the weirdest ever. My apt I moved into (after she kicked me out I lived with my bff) after leaving bff house was on the 2^nd floor. I sleep VERY deep. She took her shoe off and threw it at the window. I woke up finally and opened my window. She said it is me, let me in. I went down to open the door and she immediately started kissing me. She was clearly distressed. She continues to say, “Can I borrow a pair of pants mine are wet because I took off my shoe.” Then drops pants, no underwear on and we do it. She walks out saying I smell like sex and smiling as she goes home to her house where her new gf lives. So WEIRD. I was weak, confused. It was like coming out of a fog….like figuring out the mystery, finding the missing puzzle pieces. I found out the truth, what was off all along and it is still hard to accept.

As I sit and think a lot of the people that have attracted to me have had these issues….so I guess it is me? Anybody else have this going on at all? If this makes sense to you then I here are the next steps:

1.)    Write a reply and give your story.

2.)    Any advice is welcome as well.

3.)    Say strong, one love, we are all equal, be kind to one another.