Projection: I think she projected feelings of nothing on me and I felt like her and I still do. Maybe i am the sociopath. I remember at the end I was crying and thinking omg I feel something. i am a human becAuse especially at the end I was questioning feeling emotionless.
When she broke up with me we had to spend a sunday off together. I ended up getting extremely mad and sad at how calm and collected and almost cocky she was and began crying hysterically. She looked at me and said should Incall your family? She was so confused and scared and now I think it is becAuse she didn't understand why I felt those things. She told me," I loved having you on my arm and showing you off." She told me , "you care more about losing this house and stuff than me" my response, " I needed love not stuff" that was followed by this evil glazed over blank stare. It was full of hate and evil.
People that haven't experienced this just cant understand. They create this illusion, magic if you will, and they play with you because they can and feel good about it. Its a feeling that is indescribable. You literally feel like garbage being thrown out and not a second thought given. You aren't treated like a human and while you are dying inside not sleeping or eating they are thriving. What makes it worse is that they throw or brag about your replacement. Mine was moved in within two weeks. I got the phone calls together, pictured
Of them sent, marraige licensed emailed. The works!
People in recovery or who have recovered rather have said that it clicks one day the person was disordered and it is starting to now. You slowly start to put all of
Those pieces of the puzzle together and realize it wasn't you. I am still in the phase I go back and forth. I always ended with she was disordered.
She repeated a pattern. While I was being discarded the replacement was idealized much like I was some tiMe ago.
She told me how she targeting me. I was living like a college bachelorette. She said it was as simple of buying food give me safeplace pay for me and take cTe of me. Basic needs. Which she also took away. She was surprised I survived. She said I just didn't expect that. You see sbe was disappointed I didn't kill myself. I really think she did. She saw something in me a light a future and she hated it. She was jealous of it.
She would never ever take time off for me. I had to beg to take her on a vacation that I would flip the bill for. She really tried to make her seem so important that she couldn't take time off. I dont believe it was true. She just didn't want to. I thought oh she is just a workaholic and actually I had some respect for her for it but at the same time resented her and questioned why she wouldn't do this. I would say take a day off and lets go do something. No she wouldn't but if it came to her friends or family she still wouldn't but would be much more inclined to leave early.
She treated me as a child and would belittle me. For example, I would clean the whole house and she would still nag that something wasn't done right and it was half assed. Looking back she told me I didn't do anything but I did. I didn't do enough at all but I didN't deserve what she did. When I really think about it she actually didn't do much cleaning. She did my laundry though and took away adult responsibilities. The strange part about this is. She was good to me and in the end when the mask fell off she said you'll never find someone that treats you better I thought to myself maybe she has a point and is right. Thats what confused me at the end. She was good to me. Well so I thought, I mean in hindsight I see for sure the subtle abuse.
When she kicked me out she wanted me gone immediately. She got so mean and vicious because she thought I wouldn't leave. I had every plan of it but it took Me a minute to first wrap my head around this and second you want to find a decent place plus I live in a city with no family they are 2 hours away and thats a long commute to work. I pushed her buttons and told her I was going to buy a house. Not
Serious one bit but she flipped. She came home that night and gave me a paper well actually yelled , "are you sleeping". I said, "Not anymore." Then she served me a paper that stated you need to get out within 30 days of whatever day it was very official. It said I (my name) will vacate the premises as of date then the address and then I gave the date that I needed to vacate and she asked me to sign it.I was so Appalled by this that I ripped it up told her I would be out packed my things and left. She then proceeded to say will you don't need to get out now just soon. We were still being fairly civil at this point. I went to stay with a friend and I just had a weird feeling that something more was going on the reason that we were breaking up didn't make sense. She left for Chicago and came back a completely different person. She broke up with me after five years through text message. I just had a feeling that these reasonsthat she was giving me work reasons to break up with someone that you love. Now I do realize that people change and people fall out of love. People do not go from loving someone and being fine and making love to them to a couple days later completely appalled and kicking that person out.I just had a feeling that there was something different about the break up there were something off. The feelings that I had were a confusion, a fog, in a feeling that I just couldn't shake. I knew there was more to the story that she wasn't stating. She had me so foolfooled that I would've never imagined she would've cheated on me. I would've put money that she wouldn't cheat on me. So anyways back to the night that I left I stayed at a friends house I couldn't sleep I was so upset.i'll never forget this it was about 4 AM. I had her email password which she knew we had each other's passwords she hadn't change it she knew I could access it at any time. I logged in checked checked the messages and what I found was more than I bargained for.
I found the receipt to a sex toy in a note that was sent to your best friend whom I thought was her best friend. The note said I love you can't wait to see you this weekend. She knew I couldn't sleep any longer it was probably around six in the morning I left my friends house thank her for letting me stay headed to my house where I asked her about the cyber c*ck as it was called. She just smiled.................
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