Manipulation Awareness

Day 3: I have cut back on kratom getting hard to drink. I am also waiting on a new shipment. I made it to doctor today and got klonopin. It is helping me but the days are getting harder. The hard part...after this is done how will I maintain this. Day 4: sucks DAy 5. Worse Day 6 still no good..we all just want a fresh start. That not a part of our journey. The struggle is what makes it worth it. Day 7. I am better down to 15 mg and some benzos for when I am hurting and feeling anxiety. I thought about something. I read statistics that sociopaths love guns. Well my ex didnt start the obsession until the end. She sold me on wanting on. She bought two (one unregistered). I got one. I did t want to spend a lot so she paid the extra 200 bucks. About a month later all this shit went down. She wanted me to kill myself. She even said at the end through text when I am through with you your going to want to kill yourself. I surprised her on how strong I was. Called her on her shit and fucked her over in the end. Not something I am proud of and you cant beat one so she won in the end to her. To me I won. I got away and am getting clean. I am back to work and maintaining at 15 mg. I was at 120 when this started and 240 before that. It is just torture at this point. I am being strong. I want this more than anything. I want to be normal and am jealous of those that are. I am going to be contacting a therapist. I am still taking klonipin for anxiety, thomas recipe. It helps. Trazadone to sleep. I am here, alive, and god is with me. Life is good for now.